


The One Where Penelope Finds Homemade Porn

by destielinfinity4



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Beta Edited, Dirty Video, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Mention of Cat videos, PWP, Penelope wishes she hadn't found that video, Secret Relationship, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000, how does one tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 04:43:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7743829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielinfinity4/pseuds/destielinfinity4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Penelope thinks she's watching a cute video of Spencer thanking Derek for mentoring him and for protecting him. She is wrong. And it's a terrible way to find out your friends are secretly dating. She still has no idea how to break the news to them that she knows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where Penelope Finds Homemade Porn

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the beta! I don't know how this happened. If this isn't your thing check out my other works.

It was 7:30 in the morning. After waking up unusually early and zombie-walking into the kitchen for a big cup of coffee, Penelope somehow remembered that she had Derek's copy of the new Deadpool movie. Reid had given it to Derek for his birthday and Derek had let her borrow it. She’d had it for nearly two weeks now, sitting on her counter waiting to be watched, and she just hadn’t gotten around to watching it. She wondered if maybe she was being a bad friend by holding onto it and not watching it. She probably was, and it was unacceptable. She was done. She was going to stop being a bad friend and she was watching that movie today, no right now! Putting her coffee down on the counter a bit more forcefully than she’d intended, Penelope didn't have work, social plans, anything stopping her. And with her new resolve Penelope grabbed the movie off the counter and opened it. 

Inside she found two discs, one clearly labeled Deadpool, and the other one labeled in distinctly familiar handwriting “Happy Birthday Morgan, Love Spence.” For the love of anything cute and fluffy this looked like an adorable birthday vid from her favorite bromance in the team! She had to see it, right now. Hopefully Morgan hadn’t been missing the video... Nope, if he’d been missing it he’d have called or, something. It was fine. 

So she picked up her laptop, all thoughts of Deadpool forgotten compared to this adorable video she was about to see. She watched anxiously as her computer loaded. When it finally finished she opened the CD case to retrieve the video. Penelope had no idea what could be on the video. Maybe some kind of ‘Thanks for all the mentoring over the years” or “you showed me what it means to be a real man, it’s not all muscle” video, something like that. Otherwise she had no idea what the tape could contain, but she had to find out. Right now.

Not wanting to waste more time, she inserted the video into the CD drive and double clicked the icon to play it. The screen opened to show Dr. Spencer Reid himself, clad in his usual geek-garb, standing in what she could only assume was his bedroom. He had socks and shoes on and he was looking at the camera and what-in-the-name-of-cute-fluffy-kittens could this video be about? He had a pretty weird look on his face. She wondered if she’d ever seen him make it before.

Penelope mentally ‘shh’ed herself because now Reid was speaking. 

“Hey Derek,” He sighed “So you're probably wondering what this is going to be about.”

“We’re all wondering Spence” Penelope thought to herself.

Reid’s hands were clasped in front of his chest like he was making a very serious, very important video, oh boy this was gonna be good.

Reid sighed again “I think I may be stalling. You see, in the time I've known you, you’ve become so much. You mean so much to me. And you helped me learn to love myself, something that I didn’t get until I met you. It’s all you, you’ve brought so much to my life. And this video is to thank you, Derek Morgan.” He separated his hands to run then experimentally down his chest. “You taught me that by body…” his hands found their way to his hips “...Is beautiful. Not scrawny, ugly, and bony, beautiful. I have you to thank for that and I think a thank you is overdue.” He made intense eye contact with the camera, his eyes conveying nothing but sincerity. 

Whoa, Penelope paused the video, showcasing a fantastic view of Reid's blurry face as he stepped sideways in the frame. What. WHAT. The way Reid had ran his hands down his body seemed… She couldn't quite place it, it was both, sensual and… Reminiscent? It was like Reid was painting his cardigan-covered torso in sweet, warm memories. Memories of what? Morgan hugging him and calling him pretty boy? Was there more that was going on? No. No way. Couldn't happen. The entire team were profilers, someone would've known if they were… Penelope told her brain to stop, she'd find out if she continued watching, so taking a sip of her now tepid coffee she pressed the play button.

Reid broke out of his blurry state and moved to stand near a chair in the center of the room. Then, to Penelope's shock,  he began unbuttoning his cardigan. He cast it aside and gave the camera a haughty smirk. He then looked down to his tie and began to pull it loose. “Derek, you always said this was almost the best part, seeing me take my tie off and look at you like this.” He said this while making the same intense eye contact with the camera lense. When the tie finally came off, he turned his attention to the buttons of his shirt. “You always help me unbutton this, because I can’t do it without looking, and by the time my tie is off, you’re impatient. By this time you just want to do it yourself so I can start on your belt.” He said this while glancing up at the camera between buttons. His tone was oddly serious considering they were talking about what Penelope thought they were talking about. Penelope was trying not to believe they were actually talking about this. She paid attention, she would’ve picked up on something, right?

“Not to mention if I do it myself you walk up behind me and try to give me hickeys, which is bad because the team would notice and I don't believe our façade would survive questions like those, especially if we were both around.” Well, looks like she was wrong. Reid was talking about Morgan giving him hickeys. They were damn good actors. Now Penelope was in some kind of shock, this was so unexpected. But it was real. This was all real. By this time Reid had gotten to the last button, and now all that covered his chest was a thin white undershirt. The next part happened so quick Penelope's hand twitched towards the pause button again. Reid threw the button-up on the chair and the undershirt quickly followed suit. As soon as the undershirt made contact with the chair Spencer, now with impressively messy hair from pulling the undershirt over his head, looked back into the camera with a shimmer of dark lust in his eye. Yikes. Reid and lust were not supposed to go together. Ever. Penelope was kind of freaking out. She couldn’t quite hit the pause button.

Then Reid laughed, looking down at his bare chest “I remember the first time it happened, that it was more than just kissing, I mean. You were down to boxers in under ten seconds and I was just trying to remove my socks and shoes, then I got self conscious. You were just...” He paused, closing his eyes for a second “... so perfect I didn't think I lived up to your standards. But now…” Reid ran his hands down his chest again, pausing to circle his fingers around his nipples “Now you've convinced me that I more than live up to them. That even  _ my _ body can be… sexual.”  Reid appeared to be lost in sensation, his hands nearly coming to a stop along with his words.

Then in a second he seemed to snap back to life again, saying “Anyway… If you were here this would be the part where you pull down my pants and underwear, but you're not so I'm going to have to do that myself.” He looked down to begin fiddling with his belt “It's funny the little habits lovers get into without realizing it, I always get the tissues and clean us off, you always kiss my shoulder and curl your body around me after I’m done.” 

By now he had finished getting the belt through its final loop and he cast it aside with the rest of his clothes. “I wasn't really sure what to put in this video, I kept thinking what would Derek like to see, and hear and then I realized something. The purpose of this video should be both to thank you for your impact on my life and…” He paused, biting his lip and looking away from the camera, then after resigning himself he looked back up and continued “...and to make you want to touch, Both me.. and yourself. I want you so turned on you forget the world until all you know is that you need to be fucked by Spencer Reid.” He said this with eyes now incredibly lustful and intense, it was almost scary. And the way he punctuated the word ‘fuck’ was so out of character that it nearly sent chills down Penelope's spine. But the moment passed, Reid sighed again, resigning himself “So that's what is going to happen.” and then he started unbuttoning his pants. 

It was like Penelope had been sucked into some super storm tornado hurricane. She couldn't reach for the pause button. Her mind seemed to be stuck on slow-mo and refused to catch up. Penelope found herself reduced to some stunned zombie thing, left with her brain reduced to the speed of internet explorer, she was glued to the screen in some emotion stuck exactly halfway between curiosity and fear. And both emotions were buried under heaps of surprise and confusion. She couldn’t think, she couldn’t move, she was stuck.

When Reid's pants hit the ground he stepped out of them awkwardly, making funny faces at the camera to indicate that it hadn't been intentional. So he stood there for a few seconds in his boxers just smiling at the camera. Then he started talking again.

“It was funny, when I went to buy this, I got plenty of strange looks at the store.”

He then reached under a blanket and produced a large purple dildo. Holy shit. 

Reid gave a soft laugh “Sorry, I'm getting a bit self conscious. I know you wouldn’t show this to anyone” Penelope felt awful, just awful, she shouldn't be watching this, she should be running away, running to her friends to confess everything and cry and beg for forgiveness. Poor Spencer was a private guy and he was self conscious, which he’d made clear from the start. This was a terrible idea. But Penelope was pulled out of her thoughts by Spencer, whose tone of voice had changed, it sounded heavier if possible. It kept her glued to the video.

He said “I  just never really saw myself getting naked in front of a video camera.” Then Reid turned around, pushing his boxers to the ground to reveal a thin, round ass. He looked over his shoulder at the camera and smiled, “I think by this point you know what I'm going to do.” And then he reached for a tube from somewhere else on the bed and began coating his fingers in the substance. He then ran the coated finger across his hole, his eyes closing temporarily in pleasure. He looked as though he were teasing himself, begging for entrance. He was seeming as though he were trying not to get swept up in the pleasure of it all, his face contorting briefly before he regained control, looking awkwardly at the camera. He made various noises, moans, and gasps. But after a while he decided to re-engage the camera, though he continued teasing himself with his fingers.

“You… might be wondering why… I chose to prepare myself on camera…. Why I didn't just… use a plug… It's because I wanted you to watch… You always like to watch…” When he finally finished his thought he let a finger inside, pushing his finger inside with just the trace of a grimace on his face. His face then gave way to pure ecstasy as he continued preparing himself for the large purple phallus. Which now that Garcia thought of it, was humongous, how the hell could he… 

Now Reid looked a bit frustrated, he looked like he was trying to go slow, to look good for the camera, but he wanted pleasure, sooner rather than later. He looked at the camera while his mind whirled, the thoughts were practically visible, streaming non-stop from his eyes. Then he made his choice, saying “Morgan…. You know how I hate taking things slow..” Then with the next thrust Reid penetrated himself with three fingers, and his face showed no indication of any pain, just pleasure. Part of Garcia was begging to see that dildo enter Reid out of some kind of terrible, evil, dark curiosity or something, but then she remembered it was Reid and she was being so so so so so creepy. She needed cat videos after this. Just, lots of innocent fluffy kittens. She needed videos of kittens making sweet little noises with bows on their heads and cute little clothes and pastel colors, and she needed little puppies with their hair flopping in their faces. She needed...

A loud sultry moan broke her out of her internal monologue and back to the horrifying reality. She was about to get her not-wish. Finally Spencer removed his fingers and replaced them with the lubed-up purple object, he didn’t show any pain on his face but his moans became more ragged, his breaths more needy. He appeared to be forgetting the camera as his muscles began to visibly tense. He no longer looked like the skinny, awkward, virgin Garcia had always pictured  him as and a large part of her was upset that she’d never get that innocent image back. She didn't have time to really delve into this morbidly-depressing wave of thoughts because her ears caught a whine that reminded her of the other thing she learned in this video that she’d never be able to un-know. Reid’s relationship with Morgan.

“...Morgan…” Reid's eyes were closed and he seemed to have forgotten the camera completely. He’d shifted sideways a bit so that the camera's angle was impaired. Now she felt more like a voyeur, which was unsettling, deeply unsettling. But she had other things to think about. Reid and Morgan. Huh, she’d certainly never put it together, she got the ‘loving mentor’ vibe a lot more then the ‘secret boyfriend’ one. But whatever, she was cool. She just needed to get used to it because holy crap as this new information she probably had to pretend she didn't know until she could somehow get them to tell her so she could tell them how happy she was for them. Turning her attention back to her laptop screen she noticed that Reid looked very close to finishing, his eyes were squinted shut and his thrusts with the toy were sharp and erratic.

Finally Reid came, a display of muscle spasms, glorious facial expressions, and come erupting from his definitely untouched cock. Garcia would never let her mind put it into words but, it was hot. Just as Reid began to lay down against the bed to catch his breath, the scene cut to a picture of Reid, fully dressed now, his hair clean looking and tidy.

“I don't know if that was good or not, I’m sure you didn’t need to see me clean up and get dressed again so I just cut to this. I hope you have a truly Happy Birthday Derek.” And then he moved a hand to the camera and the screen went black.

Garcia then began the slow, painful descent back to reality. She realized somewhere along the way that she was very, very wet. She also realized that she would need to get this video back to Morgan's without him noticing that she’d seen the video. She also realized that she would need to figure out how to let them know that she knew without them learning that she’d seen the video.

Yikes. This was going to be a long weekend. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading my work. I had this plan that I was gonna post a bunch of works on here over the summer and this is the first one and its august. I am really good at this. Comments and Kudos make me very happy. I think I would actually cry if someone made fanart of my work. Like for real. If you post anywhere about it use my archive name as the hashtag or tag me. Follow my tumblr for updates! Feel free to message me with prompts and ideas. If you want to beta any of my works message me on tumblr. Check out my other works!!!


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